Monday Blues!!!

The incessant humdrum of the established norms of successes and failures, the cacophony of life to which one daily wakes up to or the eerie whispers adding allure to inevitable losses, the constant chatter in our waking hours trying to bring those lofty dreams alive and secret consolations to self to forget those scary ones.I can hear and feel the chaos, the noise, the chatter, the murmurs, the sighs, all levels of human emotions caught in a staccato.

I wouldn’t say it is senseless, because memories of all those moments have a strange way of popping up at the most unexpected of times- good, bad and beautiful!!! I know it makes sense to an extent but what baffles me is why do I feel hollow?
Having been caught up in the crossfires of my existential reverberations of thoughts for so long, silence eludes me.
Oh! God…That’s so cliched!!! See this is what I am trying to describe. I know what I need, I try to attain what I aspire for, still, thoughts come barging in or tread in quietly – either way those thoughts are unwanted.😧

So this is what I need. A tiny moment just for myself without thoughts, devoid of restlessness, to be simply grateful. So now you do realise that whatever/whoever is troubling me is ME. And I’m in a deadlock. Do you know why? I sit at the farthest corner of my garden beneath the mango tree, surrounded by coconut trees listening to the myriad sounds that nature has to offer, reading a book of my choice. Yet, amidst this personal bliss, my mind throws at me quite innocently my drawbacks, in succession, through the pleasant bird songs, through the book pages, its initial innocence shifting towards viciousness. Finally, surrendering to wild thoughts of my own, I throw away that bliss and willingly allow chaos to rule over me.
Though I don’t feel calm, I do feel normal. But I ache to be calm; so I force my mind to go back again to the blissful garden till I return to my present ‘normal’. I hope I have clarified my ‘deadlock’ situation.
Maybe, I should adopt another approach for freeing myself from this deadlock – a change of my place of peace. This idea sounded better in my head though not in print, I admit. Or read some more of those worldly books that guarantee success and happiness. Or maybe talk with someone wise and understanding. Or maybe I need a nap…!!! Sounds good and wow, I already feel better!!!😃

Thank you for reading!!!☺